A Working Mom Post

I know the working-outside-the-home mom/ SAHM issue can be a doozy of a topic, and it's one I almost always avoid. Rest easy that I'm not talking about the pros and cons of either. Because, like in all things, you can make lists to support both, and people have to decide what's best for their own family.

I'm a working-outside-the-home mom, though I say it loosely because I know working moms who work from 8-5 (or longer) with little flexibility and that's not really my situation. (I also know that stay-at-home moms work just as hard as anyone; I'm not getting too technical with terms in this post.) Back to what I was saying about those moms with tight schedules, I know working full-time while juggling everything else can be difficult. Not to mention single moms doing it on their own! (Staying home can be difficult too, btw.) There are all kinds of moms in all kinds of situations. As for mine specifically, I go into the office about three mornings a week and do a lot of my work from home. I've got some flexibility with my schedule, and I am so grateful for that. I shifted from full-time to part-time after my daughter, Ashtyn, was born. I felt so fortunate that that was even an option. It was the best plan for our family and it's worked out well.

My workload ebbs and flows. Some months are busier than others. I'm embarking on one of my busiest seasons of the year so the term working mom is used a lot less loosely right now. This morning at the office I went over my to-do list, so to speak. And I had this thought: I'm only one person! Then I looked at the magazine on my desk. Ah, the irony. Here's what I saw:

Hilariously ironic, I know. :) But no, work's not killing me. Work can be so many things, can't it? Validating. Satisfying. Fulfilling. Challenging. Draining. Overwhelming. Frustrating. (Come to think of it, those words can describe parenting too. And I've had mom friends taking college courses online or on-campus and I think those words can describe their challenges, too.) I heard someone talking recently about the importance of rest and giving yourself a break. Later, when my children were fighting and every dish in my kitchen was in the sink and I couldn't hear myself think--I had this fleeting thought that rest is hard to come by at this stage of my life. Because my children rarely slow down. I can try to rest after they go to bed, but there are all those hours before eight p.m.

Like I said, rest is hard to come by. In this particular season of my life, that feels glaringly true. I've got a stack of projects staring at me. But even in the months where my workload is not so overwhelming, my children are . . . well . . . children. They're busy. That means that mom is busy. I have friends with kids who are older than mine, and from what I can see, the schedule only gets more full.

So if there are times when rest is out of reach, what can I look to? I've given this a lot of thought, lovey. What helps when we're running low on energy but we need to hang on a little longer?

Perspective.

I got a dose of it last night. I watched the news and fell asleep only to have nightmares about tornadoes. Then I woke up and started praying for the people who are really living the nightmare in Oklahoma.

One of my best friends from college lost her father to cancer just a few days ago. The funeral was yesterday and my heart was heavy for her.

Perspective. When tragedy happens, especially, our perspective shifts.

Things matter on different levels. It matters whether I finish my work project on time--but not the same way that my children matter to me. It matters that I get our laundry done and keep my house functioning. But not in the same way that my husband's health matters to me.

Fresh perspective reminds me of what's important, what's lasting--of what really matters to me. Fresh perspective reminds me of what I'm capable of . . . and what I'm not. The truth is that I am only one person. A good routine and schedule might help me accomplish a little more, but in the end, I can only do so much with the time I'm given.

It's scary to think about the fact that we never know exactly how much time that is. How long will we be here? How many minutes and hours and days and years do I have to invest in my beautiful children? I don't know. Many, I hope. Every day is a day that I'm accountable for my actions, for my words, for my thoughts, for how much love and grace I give, for how many decisions I make with integrity and wisdom. Every day matters. I want this journey that I'm on to be guided by those things that matter the most to me. What's guiding you today? What's driving your decisions? Do you need some fresh perspective? We all do at one time or another. (I need it on a regular basis!)

Here's my thought for today: however much I've got going on right now, I can stop and pray for the hurting families in Oklahoma. If it were me, I'd want people taking time to pray.

I'm on a tight schedule at the moment. But that's okay. I'll do what I can and try not to stress about everything else. I'll remind myself to keep in mind what matters most to me and to count my blessings.  

(OK tornado photo)

Are.You.Kidding.Me?

 

Loveys, things just never quite happen like the way you plan them in your head, do they? Let me give you a quick recap on my night of embarrassment. So the Jeffster and I have joined a small group through our church. We love the group and the people and we're glad we joined it, but tonight was my night to share my life story, if you will. In other words, I was supposed to tell all these people all about me for about thirty minutes or so. Talk about nervous. Also, we meet every couple of weeks and we have dinner together at the get together. It was my night to bring the main dish. This all sounded quite doable a few weeks ago, but today I was feeling the anxiety. I decided I'd bring pulled-pork sandwiches for dinner. But after cooking the meat for forever, it still seemed tough to me. Jeff told me not to worry about it, but . . . of course I worried! I want it to taste good! Grrr. Also, I was feeling really nervous about what I was going to say. Talking about myself for 30 minutes is nerve-wracking. To top it off, the afternoon was just one of those afternoons where the kids were being disagreeable, and I felt anxious. Not a good mix. We finally leave to drop our kids at the babysitters'. I'm carrying the dish of pulled pork in my lap. We get to the house, I get out to get the kids from their car seats and . . . devastation. My lap is soaked in pork juice. I am not kidding.

Try not to cry.

It was awful! The dish had leaked onto my lap without me noticing it! HOW is that possible? HOW did this happen to me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I stand there on the sidewalk, looking down at my pants, which are soaked only in one very embarrassing area. Um, really? I look like I just had a very unfortunate accident. Which I did, I guess. Jeff is just looking at me like, Is this really happening? I know you are now going to have a meltdown.

I go inside, feeling myself losing it. I tell the woman at the house, "Nisha, I need a hairdryer and towel. Now." I tell her husband, Mike, "Please don't talk to me." One of the other moms at the house says, "Do you need some pants?"


Um, yes. But though I brought baby Lincoln clothes to change into, I did not, in fact, think to bring myself a change of clothes.

I am speaking to a group of people in a few minutes and I am feeling anxious and I am now soaked in pork juice. IS THIS NIGHT HAPPENING TO ME? I spend the next ten minutes blow-drying my jeans in the bathroom, trying not to erupt in hysterical, insane laughter, followed by weeping. I blow-dry the jeans, realize the huge stain is just as bad, so I have to rinse the stain then blow-dry again. All while knowing dinner is in like five minutes and the main course is in my car (and on me, come to think of it). We leave and go to the small-group leaders' house down the street. I am trying not to think about the now-faint, huge, unfortunate stain left by the liquid, and the slight dampness happening as a result of being soaked by your dinner. MORTIFIED, is one way to describe my feelings.

We arrive and it's time to eat. Obviously, I am now the most popular person to our hosts' dog, who smells the pork on me. He stayed next to me for most of the meal. Awesome. Then it comes time for me to speak. We pray before, and seriously, I am just trying to shake off the feelings that have come over me. Talk about feeling overwhelmed.

As for my 30-minute talk . . . you know those moments where you think back over what you said later and you're like, Really? Am I crazy? Yes, that was me tonight.

Jeff assures me that I did fine and it was an interesting story. I can only try to believe him for the sake of my sanity. What else can I do? Think about getting out of the car and realizing I'm covered in pork juice?

Have mercy.

The Bruce Duck Tales

Do you guys watch Duck Dynasty? I confess I've only seen it a couple of times, but it's pretty hilarious. Jeff's family lives close to Monroe in Louisiana so we went over to the Duck Dynasty warehouses while we were in town. Those beards are out of control. So when we went to have dinner in Houston with my family, I noticed that my cousins Jason and Vic were both rockin' the beard look too. Interesting. Now we've come home and my husband, who normally shaves religiously every day, looks like he's growing a beard. Hmm. I told him that I think guys usually grow beards during the winter. Not summer. That comment didn't land with him so for now I've got a mountain man in my home. Maybe that's what's going on here. In the not too distant future Jeff's going up to the mountains on a hiking trip with his buddies. He's just prepping for that. (To be honest, I think he looks pretty cute with it so I'm okay with the summer beard for now.)

On a different note, it's so quiet in my house right now. I'll be honest and tell you that I took an extra vacation day for some alone time. Yesterday we jumped back into the swing of things. The kids went to daycare and I unpacked and went grocery shopping and then dived into work for a while. They came home and I kept working through their naptime, then everyone woke up with a vengeance. Lincoln was all over the place. I know they have to get back into a routine and being home was good for them but Linc wanted me to hold him constantly. This resulted in me holding him while warming up something in the microwave. All that to say that Linc hit the microwave door with his superbaby strength and it hit my face to the point where I cried and went out into the garage by myself to try to calm down.

(Speaking of superbaby strength, did I tell you that Linc pulled out the shade that slides up and down over the little windows on the airplane? Besides being terrified that my 20-month-old son was going to bring down the plane, I couldn't for the life of me get it fixed. Plus, I was scared I would make it worse. I had all these visions of a huge hole in the plane and those oxygen masks dropping. So I waited till we landed to force that thing back where it was supposed to be. #strongbaby)

So . . . I needed a little decompress time. It's amazing what a luxury a little quiet, alone time is when you're a mom. I can see work looming over me next week, but for today, for this moment, I'm enjoying the Colorado morning. I think I'll go down and make another cup of coffee.

Be blessed today, lovey.

Tastes of Texas

Loveys, well, after a week of being down south, I woke up in Colorado this morning. It's always good to be home after a trip, but there's always sadness that comes with saying goodbye to family and friends. We had a wonderful whirlwind of a trip to Texas and Louisiana. There never seems to be quite enough time, but we tried to squeeze in as much as we could. It's amazing how easy it is to feel at home the moment we arrive in Texas. It all comes back to you . . . the humidity . . . the mosquitoes . . . and on a brighter note, the food. Southern food, yes please. I had a list of places I absolutely had to go to. It started out with my aunt's minestrone when we arrived. Amazing. Once I find the recipe she gave me, I'll share it with you guys. #must.try.will.love. She made cookie cake (Texas sheet cake) for dessert. (Swoon.)

Then we went to Margarita's in Conroe, Texas. I go there for the queso puff. I love it. Then we move on to China Delight. Their sweet and sour chicken is my all-time fave Chinese food. Then donuts and kolaches for breakfast from Shipley's. (Mouth is watering.) We stopped at Catfish King in Lufkin, Texas (where my dad grew up). I could have eated about five of the special catch plates. (Please give me more.) Then cheese spaghetti and lemon bars made by my mother-in-law. Yum. We had ice cream at her shop too. Then back to Texas where we stopped for lunch at Luby's. I totally understand that some people are wondering why cafeteria food is on my list. Because Luby's was my home away from home while I was growing up and their food is awesome. That's why. My family ate there all the time. Okay, then dinner with friends at 7 Leguas in Magnolia. (Really good Mexican food.) Spaghetti dinner and wine at my aunt's house topped off with delicious banana pudding made by my cousin. We finished up our trip with cheese coneys from James Coney Island.

There's just nothing like the tastes of Texas. And eating good food with family and friends. Our last night in Texas, we sat around the table at my Tia's house and I thought about how there's just something so comfortable about being with the people who've known you your entire life. And how food brings us together.

 

I'll have lots more posts about our trip coming up. So ta-ta for now! 

The Monkeys

I don't know about your kids, but Ash goes through spurts where she has a fave animal that she loves beyond measure. For a long time now, it's been "Pink Monkey." (I know, her eyes are gigantic.) I think I've told you about Ash's names for her dolls. She names them things like "Pink Monkey"--very descriptive, I know. We gave her a porcelain doll for Easter. When she opened it, I told her, "You've got to be careful. This is a China doll." The doll's current name? China. We had a playdate the other day and I heard one of the other little girls telling her mom, "Mom, you should meet Ashtyn's doll China."

Anyway, so Jeff and I went out on a much-needed date last night (Yay! Saw Iron Man 3!). We're at the movies when I get a text from our babysitter saying: "Ashtyn fell. And her Pink Monkey's eye broke off and I don't know what to do."

The movie hadn't started so I called home immediately. The fate of Pink Monkey is call-worthy, people. All I can get from the babysitter is that Ashtyn is fine but Pink Monkey's lost one of her eyes. I ask to talk to Ashtyn. When I ask Ash how Pink Monkey is doing, she starts crying. I tell her to calm down, make sure Pink Monkey gets some rest, and Daddy will fix her when he gets home. I hear Ash tell the babysitter, "Pink Monkey needs rest."

Ash was asleep when we got home but Jeff immediately pulled out the super glue and doctored up Pink Monkey. I woke up this morning to Ashtyn being sandwiched between me and Jeff in our bed. She opened her eyes and I said, "Go see what's on Daddy's nightstand." She crawls over Jeff and gasps with delight. Then began the Pink Monkey lovefest. She's fine, folks. Thank heavens.

There is just something about monkeys over here. Ash loves them. Of course, Curious George is a huge hit at our house. Linc now has a "blue monkey" since he was so jealous of Ash's pink one. Every year for forever, Jeff has gotten me a stuffed animal for Valentine's day, and it is inevitably a monkey. I'm not sure why. He stands in front of the stuffed animals and his eyes go right over the puppies and bears, and he finds the monkey wearing heart boxers to give me. In fact, the blessed Pink Monkey was originally a Valentine's Day present from Jeff to Ash. I remember smiling when I saw what he got her. The tradition continues on to his little girl. The boy goes for the monkeys. And his girls love them.

:)

Shaking Off the Snow . . . or Searching for Spring in Colorado

Do you know that feeling where you're sort of optimistic as you go to weigh yourself because you've been eating well and riding your exercise bike . . . and then the scale tells you that you've gained weight?

Instant. Discouragement. Like the deflating of a balloon. All that optimism didn't pay off. All that hard work didn't pay off. The scale told you the hard truth.

I had that feeling this week (which resulted in a short time of despair involving peanut butter cookies). I've been giving myself inward pep talks all day to counteract the despair. (I confess it hasn't gone so well up to this point.)

Sometimes things just don't go the way you want them to. The other side of that is that sometimes they do. Jeff came home discouraged yesterday after losing a client. I tried to encourage him (this involved me offering him peanut butter cookies). But I understand how he feels. Some days are low days. I told him we have to focus on the positive. And truthfully, there's a lot of positive to focus on once I start thinking about it. But once you hit that low point, it can be hard to pull yourself back up. For me, I usually need until the next day. You know, eat the cookies and then start fresh the next morning.

We've had what feels like a very long winter here in Colorado. There've been snippets and teasings of spring, only to be followed by snow days. I've always loved the changing of the seasons. I feel like it's one of God's very best ideas. Seriously, I'm someone who likes change, so I need that time of cool autum air, with pumpkin patches and bowls of beef stew and gold leaves flying everywhere. I need a few cold months with apple cider, Christmas shopping, white lights in trees, and Amy Grant singing Christmas carols. I need spring--that time of rejuvenation, of thawing out, of seeing things come alive again. And I need summer: green trees, birds singing, warm temperatures, and sandals.

Confession: I am so desperate for spring that I have fake flowers planted in my backyard.

What can I say? I need some color in my life!

I love winter. I do. I love snow. But there comes a point where I want spring. It's the way it's supposed to work. I think a too-long winter throws me off. Today we're finally having warmer weather again and I can just feel myself responding well to it.

Yes, the scale was mean to me. Yes, I'm frustated that my hair was frizzy today and my skin is extremely far from glowing. Yes, all those feelings may have contributed to my eating a chocolate bar today.

But it feels like springtime outside! It's Friday! I went to a titling meeting today where we ended up choosing one of my ideas for title and sub-title! I picked up my wedding ring from the jeweler today and it looks extra sparkly! My little Ashtyn looks absolutely beautiful today and I feel filled with happiness that she's mine! (Lincoln is asleep so I haven't seen him since I got home from work but I already know he's adorable too.) Jeff and I have a date tomorrow night! We've got Bible study Sunday night with our new friends.

So I'm going to shake off the discouragement. I want to stand in the sun. It won't be long before we head to Texas. That means China Delight. Margaritas. Warm weather. Family. Friends.

Have you ever seen the movie Hook? When Peter and his wife, Moira, and their kids go back to England for Christmas, Moira just gets giddy when they arrive. Peter asks her what's gotten into her and she's just beside herself saying, "This house has gotten into me! We were children here!" That's how I feel when I'm back in Texas. I'm saying, This humidity has gotten into me! It's where I came from! :)

I'm this girl who grew up in Conroe, eating blizzards at Dairy Queen down on Frazier, hanging out at the mall in the Woodlands, driving with the music turned all the way up with Michelle, going to school with boys who wore cowboy boots, heading to Calvary Baptist Church practically every day of the week in our family's minivan, singing Blessed Assurance on Sunday morning.   

You know what, since we started down this reminiscing road, let's go all the way, shall we? I missed Throwback Thursday, we'll just do a Throwback Friday. I'll give you a glimpse of that young Texas girl! :) (If you're asking yourself whether I'm wearing braces, the answer is yes. These were my senior pictures. NOT to be mistaken with glamour shots, people.)

 

How's your spring going, lovey? Has winter been lingering for you? For us in Colorado, the answer is yes. But winter can be a state of mind, too. It can be a feeling we need to shake off. Maybe you need to stand in the sun, too, literally or emotionally or both. Every now and then I need to get back in touch with that Texas girl driving down Teas Nursery Road, singing out loud. So many years and experiences separate me from her--but she's still in there.

 

You know, I think I needed this walk down memory lane today. I'm smiling. And warm weather is in my future.

 

Chocolate . . . Friendship for Dessert

I am definitely a fan of chocolate. Early this morning, one of my girlfriends dropped off this little bit of goodness for me. Talk about starting your day off well! Friendship and chocolate. #Love.

 

A little bit later, we had a playdate at our house that ended up with 12 kids and five moms. Madness, I know. But a good kind of madness. The kind with kids playing and the warmth of friendship. (And the occasional scream and burst of tears and crumbs everywhere and women reminding kids to share.) Then my sweet friend from Germany (who just got back from visiting her family and friends over there) surprised me with these delights. I am in heaven!

It seems to me that my friends know I'm a sugar girl. :) I'm fine with that because, honestly, I want these girls in my life to know me. The more you're with people, the more you know them--not just their preferences when it comes to food either. You know their hopes, their dreams, their life. That's the fabric of friendship. It's like dessert--wonderful!.

Today, a carmel apple spice latte blessed me first thing this morning because it meant my friend April thought of me. And this amazing chocolate from Germany tells me that Anja thought of me on her trip and I so appreciate that.

Here's my thought: How do we show our friends and family that we care about them? I had two great examples of that in my life today. It takes intentionality and purpose and love. All good things. And chocolate is always a good idea. :) I think I might need to pass on the love, and think of a friend whom I can bless soon.

It was a chaotic time at my house today, but I loved every minute of it. One of the kids, Joey, said, "Is this a playdate?" His mom, Nancy, said, "Yes! We're having a playdate." Then Joey says, "Then why does it feel like a party?" Smiles all around. People sharing life together does feel like a party sometimes.